Sodium Chloride

So for Mothers Day my sisters and I got my mom a set of salt and pepper shakers which might seem like an odd gift. However, you have to understand that for years our can for sugar in the pantry doesn't say "SUGAR". It says "C6H12O6." So when we found a salt shaker that says Na Cl we couldn't resist. 

So the only night my sister had mom make her a egg sandwich for dinner. This was normal until mom put it on her plate and asked, "Do you want some sodium chloride with your aborted ovum?" We all had to pause and laugh before we could finally eat. I don't know about everyone else but I'm pretty sure you'd only hear that sentence at my house. 

And so that is my Quote of the Day. 

Burned

So there is this german word called schadenfreude, which basically means getting pleasure from others misfortunes. This explains parts of my family very well. I mean, it sounds rude but its really funny when someone trips UP the stairs. You just have to have the humor in life.

So for the past two days I've been weeding in the yard, getting it ready for a garden. I plant tomatoes and peppers every year so I can make salsa in the fall. Unfortunately, the dirt is really good so weeds go crazy in the months that I don't take care of it. It took me several hours to finally clear it. On the first day, it was actually rather chilly, it was cloudy and I had to have a sweatshirt on the entire time. This was no big deal and actually kind nice. However on the second day the sun was out, it was a bit warmer and I was in a tank top. Now, of course, it was still cool so the thought never occurred to me to put on sunscreen. Big mistake.

I can usual feel it when I start to burn because my skin is very sensitive. I didn't feel a thing. I didn't even notice once I went inside and went about the house work or when playing Assassins Creed with my boyfriend. It wasn't until the end of the day when I scratched my shoulder (which hurt like hell) that I looked at my back in a mirror. My shoulders, neck, arms and my ears where almost glowing they were so red. I found this very amusing and took it as a sign that summer was finally here. But once I actually saw how bad it was it actually started to hurt.

Going up to my mom in the other room I proudly said, "Mom, look at my sunburn!"

A little bit horrified she said, "Holy SHIT! You are totally fried!" (That was about as much sympathy as I got at this point.) After a moment she paused, smiled and giggled. "Its going to be really funny when you peel."

Schadenfreude.

Knitting

So mom learned how to knit not long ago and she's been having a lot of fun with it. She recently got a book to help her gain a few more skills. While trying to learn a new kind of stitch the book said something along the lines of, "Knit the knits and purl the purls." Now, I'm sitting across the room and don't know what she's doing but all I hear is her suddenly exclaim, "Knit the knits and purl the purls? What the f*ck does that mean?"

I of course start laughing, not even sure what she is going on about. She finally explained to me what she was trying to do. Kay was also in the room and after she got done laughing she said, "That sounds like something Jesus would say. 'And Jesus said unto his people, knit the knits and purl the purls and thou shall be happy'."

I'm actually not sure which quote is funnier but together it was awesome.

Facebook

I have a love/hate relationship with facebook

I'm sure you've all seen those groups on facebook: "Join now and lets get a 'dislike' button" or "If we get 1,000,000 likes we can get a 'dislike' button." There are tons of these groups and its common knowledge that people want a dislike button. I even want one but I'm not going to freak out at the people who run the website.

So mom was saying the other day something along the lines of "I want a dislike button." I told her I didn't think they'd ever give us one because they all knew we actually wanted it. We had a mini discussion about it to which mom concluded with, "If you're not going to give us a 'dislike' button why not give us one that says 'f*ck you'?"

I think this is a good point and I know several people who be very happy to see a f*uck you button. (myself included). :)

Insults

So Kay and I were just mock fighting, calling each other names and such. Now, at my house the name calling will start with 'idiot' but quickly moves its way up to 'bitch'.

So as we went down the list of insults to each other which is now more of a game then anything else I ended up saying, "Bitch!"

To which Kay answered without hesitation, "Dumb ass!" As we are laughing mom steps in because she feels it hits a point where its not funny anymore. Thinking we are about to be told off we both are quick to say, "Sorry, sorry. We're just playing around." But the most interesting quote comes out of my moms mouth.

"Now, I don't want you calling your sister a dumb ass," Mom says. "That might hurt her self esteem. Bitch on the other hand, well, thats just fine."

Good to know that my mom still has humor. :) And so that is my Quote of the Day

Judges

So its common knowledge that when it comes to teasing in my house, no one is exempt. Now often, when someone does something stupid like falling UP the stairs (something I seem to be able to do at least once a day) we usually say, "Don't judge me!" As if that would make a difference.

Now, this quote has happened a lot after it was used the first time. I actually don't remember what I had done to get this quote but regardless I had likely tripped, or had ranted on and on about something to which mom was frankly laughing at me. Of course I respond, "Don't judge me!" To which my mother replied, still laughing. "I'm not judging you! I'm just laughing at you!"

And so that is my Quote of the Day.

Winter

Taken very early in the morning after a small storm

So this is going to combine two Quotes of the Day into one because they are so similar though, they were said on different days. Its finally beginning to warm up here (Warming up meaning 50 degrees) but back in January we had a day when we were warned not to stay out very long because it was so cold that frost bite was a very big possibility. Even running from the house to the car was just awful! After one such quick run mom came in and exclaimed, "You know its cold when snot freezes!"

A day or two later, the winter warnings were off but it was still very cold outside. Mom got home from work and taking off her coat sighed. "It's so cold outside I thought I'd frozen my ass off," She said, "But then I get home and I realized it was all still there."

Unfortunately for us, when its that cold, our bodies are trying to get as much fat stored up as it can. Something that greatly annoys us all. And so that is my Quote of the Day.

Biology

So my sister was freaking out over her Biology midterm. I know next to nothing on the subject even though I took the exact same class so I was useless to her. Mom, however is very smart when it comes to anything math or science-y. I was leaving it to them until I started listening in on the little study session they were having at the table. Kay couldn't remember if platyhelminthes reproduced asexually or sexually. (Its asexually) To help Kay remember my mom suggested a fantastic why to NEVER forget it. 


"Alright, just think. Next time someone really makes you mad you can just say, 'Why don't you go make like a platyhelminthes and f*ck yourself.'" 


I laughed until I cried. And so that is Quote of the Day. 

Crime Tape

Mom and I were driving home the other day and I can't remember all we were talking about but at some point I had said something about wrapping someone's car up in plastic wrap because I didn't like them. It brought on a conversation about different pranks to play on people.

Several hours later we were in the kitchen and randomly mom says, "I'm going to wrap your car in crime tape......just because it seems the thing to do." Now, at this point I had forgotten about our earlier conversation which lead to silence but these kind of comments are pretty normal so I just went with it.

Sorry

I'm sorry I've fallen so behind on this blog. School kept me very busy after Christmas, then midterms, and I now have a broken arm which means I can only type with one hand which it one big pain in the ass. I have kept track of the Quotes of the Day from mom and I have 5 or 6 to post as soon as I get my arm out of the cast. I haven't forgotten this and I hope to post again soon! :)