Math Jokes

Alright, anyone who knows me at all knows that I am terrible at math! The kind of terrible where I will use a calculator for the simplest of problems because I know I will get it wrong if I try otherwise. The kind of terrible where the only reason I passed college Algebra was because I told my professor I was going into English and he said, "You won't ever use what I'm teaching. Just come to class every day and try and I'll pass you." Yes, I am that bad. So its rare when I understand anything remotely related to math. But when I saw this:

  I stated laughing insanely hard. I thought it was hilarious. I wanted to share it with mom, because I knew she would like it. Walking downstairs to tell her about it I started off my story with, "So I saw this math joke online-"
Mom's answer was to look at me and ask me, "...did you get it?"
And then we laughed because the next thing I was going to say was, "And I got it!" It might be just a little bit sad that this was the biggest achievement of my day but whatever, I'll take it.
And so that is my Quote of the Day. 

Updates!

Alright, so I realize it's been well over a year since I lasted updated but life got in the way. However, after a few people asked about updating and constant pestering from mom I'm hoping to get this back up and running. The constant pestering brings us our first quote:

This one doesn't really have much of a story to it besides mom wanted the blog back up. Finally, after a few days of this she said, "Update the blog! People want to hear my sh*t!" Apparently this is true, at least for some of us. ;) But hey, I found it funny. So hopefully I'll be posting more regularly. 

Sodium Chloride

So for Mothers Day my sisters and I got my mom a set of salt and pepper shakers which might seem like an odd gift. However, you have to understand that for years our can for sugar in the pantry doesn't say "SUGAR". It says "C6H12O6." So when we found a salt shaker that says Na Cl we couldn't resist. 

So the only night my sister had mom make her a egg sandwich for dinner. This was normal until mom put it on her plate and asked, "Do you want some sodium chloride with your aborted ovum?" We all had to pause and laugh before we could finally eat. I don't know about everyone else but I'm pretty sure you'd only hear that sentence at my house. 

And so that is my Quote of the Day. 

Burned

So there is this german word called schadenfreude, which basically means getting pleasure from others misfortunes. This explains parts of my family very well. I mean, it sounds rude but its really funny when someone trips UP the stairs. You just have to have the humor in life.

So for the past two days I've been weeding in the yard, getting it ready for a garden. I plant tomatoes and peppers every year so I can make salsa in the fall. Unfortunately, the dirt is really good so weeds go crazy in the months that I don't take care of it. It took me several hours to finally clear it. On the first day, it was actually rather chilly, it was cloudy and I had to have a sweatshirt on the entire time. This was no big deal and actually kind nice. However on the second day the sun was out, it was a bit warmer and I was in a tank top. Now, of course, it was still cool so the thought never occurred to me to put on sunscreen. Big mistake.

I can usual feel it when I start to burn because my skin is very sensitive. I didn't feel a thing. I didn't even notice once I went inside and went about the house work or when playing Assassins Creed with my boyfriend. It wasn't until the end of the day when I scratched my shoulder (which hurt like hell) that I looked at my back in a mirror. My shoulders, neck, arms and my ears where almost glowing they were so red. I found this very amusing and took it as a sign that summer was finally here. But once I actually saw how bad it was it actually started to hurt.

Going up to my mom in the other room I proudly said, "Mom, look at my sunburn!"

A little bit horrified she said, "Holy SHIT! You are totally fried!" (That was about as much sympathy as I got at this point.) After a moment she paused, smiled and giggled. "Its going to be really funny when you peel."

Schadenfreude.

Knitting

So mom learned how to knit not long ago and she's been having a lot of fun with it. She recently got a book to help her gain a few more skills. While trying to learn a new kind of stitch the book said something along the lines of, "Knit the knits and purl the purls." Now, I'm sitting across the room and don't know what she's doing but all I hear is her suddenly exclaim, "Knit the knits and purl the purls? What the f*ck does that mean?"

I of course start laughing, not even sure what she is going on about. She finally explained to me what she was trying to do. Kay was also in the room and after she got done laughing she said, "That sounds like something Jesus would say. 'And Jesus said unto his people, knit the knits and purl the purls and thou shall be happy'."

I'm actually not sure which quote is funnier but together it was awesome.

Facebook

I have a love/hate relationship with facebook

I'm sure you've all seen those groups on facebook: "Join now and lets get a 'dislike' button" or "If we get 1,000,000 likes we can get a 'dislike' button." There are tons of these groups and its common knowledge that people want a dislike button. I even want one but I'm not going to freak out at the people who run the website.

So mom was saying the other day something along the lines of "I want a dislike button." I told her I didn't think they'd ever give us one because they all knew we actually wanted it. We had a mini discussion about it to which mom concluded with, "If you're not going to give us a 'dislike' button why not give us one that says 'f*ck you'?"

I think this is a good point and I know several people who be very happy to see a f*uck you button. (myself included). :)

Insults

So Kay and I were just mock fighting, calling each other names and such. Now, at my house the name calling will start with 'idiot' but quickly moves its way up to 'bitch'.

So as we went down the list of insults to each other which is now more of a game then anything else I ended up saying, "Bitch!"

To which Kay answered without hesitation, "Dumb ass!" As we are laughing mom steps in because she feels it hits a point where its not funny anymore. Thinking we are about to be told off we both are quick to say, "Sorry, sorry. We're just playing around." But the most interesting quote comes out of my moms mouth.

"Now, I don't want you calling your sister a dumb ass," Mom says. "That might hurt her self esteem. Bitch on the other hand, well, thats just fine."

Good to know that my mom still has humor. :) And so that is my Quote of the Day